A Mid-December Dispatch

On tethering, Jack Skellington, and the Inaugural Benches Appreciation Event

Friends —

In today’s fateful dispatch, we celebrate the two-month-ish anniversary of Benches. What a rush. Benches forever.

I’ve been thinking a bit about tethering. How we get tethered to places, ideas, identities, etc. Fixed points and conceptual strings. Sometimes we stumble into these connections and sometimes it is entirely intentional. Broadly, tethering seems unavoidable. Often, it seems out of our control. But always there seems to be space for adjustments and reconsiderations, to be more intentional about the tethers we choose to accept. It feels like quite the proper exercise to recognize each tether in my life, the ones both real and imagined.

Consider Jack Skellington, The Pumpkin King. A loungewear icon. Tethered to Halloween Town, Jack was growing uncomfortable with his tether to the town, so he went for one of the longer walks in cinematic history, cut his geographical tether by taking the cosmic highway to Christmas Town, and then proceeded to masquerade as Santa Claus for a night (which ended poorly). He didn’t come to terms with the limitations of his particular tethers nor the circumstances of said geographical tether. Jack took a risk, and at the end of the day (re: movie) he had a newfound perspective and appreciation for his tether to Halloween Town. Forgive me for embellishing the life of a fictional skeleton, but it probably behooves us to recognize our tethers

Introducing: the Inaugural Benches Appreciation Event

(alt title: Benches Wrapped)

With the introductory ramble out of the way, it is high time to introduce the inaugural Benches community appreciation event. Time for us, as a community of enthusiasts and friends, to celebrate all the benches we’ve seen this year. To aggregate together. To compile our disparate days into something cohesive. Cataloging the small things.

Therefore, the final Benches post of this Gregorian calendar year will be the subscriber-only, subscriber-sourced End-of-2023 Benches Appreciation Event(!). In which the Benches community will share the benches that captured their hearts during this year. The benches that helped you sit and appreciate. The Benches that get you going. Sharing is a beautiful thing. Given such, I have the following, strongly encouraged proposal for the subscribers of this publication. Peep the strategy:

• Email riemernews@gmail.com with an image of your favorite bench of the year and your musings on why it was selected for documentation. Along with your thoughts, please include the name of the bench.

  • Image requirements: landscape only (following brand guidelines).

  • Word requirements: It is your words and the wind. Write what feels true and honest. No minimums, and only reasonable maximums. I am here to curate, not control. You will be hearing from me if there are objections, but I trust you.

    • note: your name will be associated with your submission.

• Submissions are due by Wednesday, December 27th. If you text me instead of emailing me, I will do two things, in order: I will emphasize each message with hearts, and then I will politely ask that you email your message to riemernews@gmail.com.

Might I add, that there should be no apprehension in submitting a bench or, more specifically, your review of the bench. Sure, the writing will be ~perceived~, but we are here to celebrate our experiences and share them with people of similar enthusiasm. I encourage you to speak your truths. And, more candidly, I know nearly everyone who subscribes to this Substack: they are an easy-going, lovely, and accepting audience. Unless you submit a shitty bench (kidding)

If you have questions about the inaugural appreciation event, I am easy to find.

The Benches of Mid-December

Given the upcoming bench appreciation event, it would be remiss of me to not drop in some of the Benches of my December. We have two features to discuss.

The Ronald Reagan Bench at the Southgate Mall Scheels

Brutal scenes outside of the Missoula Scheels. Aside from the fact that a group of people were compelled enough to memorialize Ronald Reagan, this bench has multiple fatal flaws. The lighting of the picture is faint, but readers of the October Roundup should recognize the first flaw: stone. Perhaps fitting that stone found its way into a bench for Raegan. Furthermore, The only lumbar support existing for this bench is Ronald Reagan’s left shin. Pass! Like I said, brutal. The only thing that trickled down last Friday night were the vibes

Why was I at Scheels last Friday, you ask? Fair question. The answer: Tuba Christmas. Over 60 tubas and euphonium players gathered in the Scheels concourse to perform Christmas music (mid). Next year, I’d recommend a proper orchestra. There were roughly 57 tubas too many at Tuba Christmas

The Benches of Bernice’s Bakery

A proper bench bundle rests outside of Bernice’s Bakery. Benches of various providences are positioned in key directions during bakery hours. Under the NOW OPEN DAILY! sign, an east-facing bench perfect for watching the early sun over the mountains with a treat. On the street side of the bakery, under the retractable awning, sits a chestnut-stained bench. South-facing, the bench is serviceable for the late mornings and early afternoons. However, If brick walls are more your speed, there is a west-facing bench just for you. A principle of mine is that I will not speak ill of a bakery. I hold bakers in high regard. The Lord’s work, some might say. My opinions on Bernice’s baked goods output are for my other newsletter, Scones. What I do know is that Bernice’s is a mighty fine establishment to sit in or outside of on a weekend morning. Good energy. Hard-boiled eggs a la carte. Appreciate the day.

Recommendation Station

• Michael Nau might have just dropped one of my favorite albums of the year. Accompany is smooth, well-done, and not particularly performative (non-derogatory). An understated, laid-back album. My favorite tracks are Tiny Flakes, And So On, Relearn to Boogie, and Comes To Pour

• The Sphere is, to say the least, a spectacle. A venue that seems equally compelling as it is silly. An overly commercialized, overly saturated experience. I don’t yet know if Benches recommends The Sphere, but I do know Benches recommends this article, which articulates the duality of the grand orb, and modern concert experiences, particularly well. Each paragraph is a banger. One sequence we especially dig:

  “Fixating on what we’ve lost in our modern screenland means ignoring the joy that comes from sharing your experience with others. And it means ignoring that participatory feeling—a 21st-century exchange between musicians and concertgoers that is still so novel that neither side seems to know precisely what to make of it yet.”

  Moons ago, I was at a Haley Heynderickx show in Milwaukee. The venue, for those familiar, was The Back Room at Colectivo Coffee. Early in the set, Haley asked the front row to please abstain from taking photos and videos during the songs, as it makes her feel like she is in the game Big Buck Hunter. That exchange pops into my mind at every show I attend. The relationship at play between artist and audience. How we’ve augmented alcoves off of our memory to our devices. I wonder what Bono thinks.

• Bananagrams absolutely rules. Every American household should have a zippable yellow peel of tiles at the ready.

• Books about music that are not Bruce Springsteen’s Autobiography Born to Run. No shade to Bruce here. Dancing In The Dark rips. But I’m roughly 400 pages (76%) into this book and I think we could have trimmed the length a bit. Though, If you need a book to fall asleep reading to, look no further. In that regard, Born to Run is medicinal. I recommend you skip it. Perhaps consider the following books on music: Major Labels or Losing Music

I will see you all on New Year’s Eve for the end-of-year appreciation event.

Take care.

— Markus